"I'm a Villainous Lawyer!"

On TMZ tonight, a pap was interviewing the child actress from the movie Valentine's Day. When he asked her to name her favorite personality from the TMZ newsroom, her (stage) parents off camera urged her to reply, "Harvey!" So, the young lady blurts, "Harvey! Dent!" -- obviously referring to another famous lawyer. The exclamation of independence proves . . . being two-faced in Hollywood starts young.

Putting the "Bat" Back in "Bat Crap Crazy!"

Christian Bale's tirade on the set of Terminator: Salvation has swept the mainstream news this week, and I love that most outlets are equating his rage with his role as Batman. Here are my favorite highlights of this week's Bale-istic tantrum:

- TMZ releases audio of Bale's rant against the Director of Photography on the set of Terminator: Salvation.

- "Christian Bale" calls and curses out David Letterman. (I couldn't find an on-line clip of that, but The Tony Mendez Show hilariously jumps on the Bale-wagon . . .)

- Jimmy Fallon satirizes the rant on the blog promoting his upcoming late night talk show.

- A Batman flips out for tourists and passers-by in front of the Grauman's Chinese Theater in Hollywood.

When I played that last clip for a co-worker, he astutely pointed out that, as much as comedians and wanna-be Internet superstars are riffing Bale, none of them have been as funny as the real thing. Agreed!

Addendum: Apparently, Bale has publicly apologized for his behavior. Over twenty-two pages' worth of comments on the MSN story about his regret practically exclusively chastise the actor's initial tirade, and then even the apology itself, so I took the opposing stance with the following post:

I'd love to put a recorder or video camera in any of your cars, you hypocrites! Or maybe the last time you and your significant other really went at it? Everybody flips out sometimes, and sometimes it lasts LONGER than four minutes! Who cares if he's sorry for the sake of publicity or damage control -- Don't you make your kids say "I'm sorry" even when they don't mean it? His attitude is EXACTLY why we like him -- everybody loves the tough guy. That's why he's been in Batman, and now Terminator, two of the biggest film franchises ever. We want to see him kick butt . . . and we're hypocrites when we can't take him doing it for a few minutes in real life, especially if he and the DP really cleared the air and moved on THAT DAY, MONTHS ago.

Re: Bale as a role model. Your kids will only hear this rant if YOU let them access TMZ or the nightly news. Heck, ever think that maybe a few seconds of the rant might be a good chance for parents to talk about anger management? Remember when parents used chances like this to teach lessons about life, rather than rave about the perpetual victimization of their kids?

And I bet your daughter HAS dated "that nut." You just don't know it yet.

Yes, many of the comments addressed Bale as a role model, and that last jab was intended for the dude that said he'd never let his daughter date a nut like that. Talk about rubbing another man's rhubarb . . .!

Hollywood’s War Machine: Cheadle Replaces Howard for Iron Man 2

Reports that Terrence Howard didn’t know Don Cheadle was slated to replace him in Iron Man 2 has made mainstream news now, at least here in Los Angeles, of course, which means a rebuttal statement about the flexibility in his contract is sure to follow from the studios. Internet rumors aren’t always enough for studios to warrant a statement, but it’s really my fellow fans’ opinions I’ve been thinking about. Was Howard’s role in the film significant enough for fans to issue a backlash?

One of the critical surprises of Iron Man’s success was the actors’ performances, and Howard’s is no exception. His line, “Next time, baby,” was one of the best teasers and fan pleasers in the film! Now, Hollywood has twisted that line and proven him wrong -- “Next time, yes, but not for you, buddy!” Obviously, Colonel Jim Rhodes will play a larger role in Iron Man 2, at least enough to garner an A-lister like Cheadle for the part. Well, for the record, I for one am a little disappointed in the transition. When a studio is so quick to change up its cast in the shadow of success with hopes for something even greater, I wonder what else it would sacrifice from the film’s previous incarnation. Before you know it, Iron Man is fighting a big mechanical spider . . . sigh, with no mention of Alistair Smythe, okay, fellow Marvelites? You know what I mean! Though, speaking of Spider-man, where does the actress that played Betty Brant get off saying that her return in Spider-man 4 would be a favor? In these hard economic times, I’d take any work I can get! Ah, so that’s the real tragedy of Terrence Howard’s situation. He’s been outsourced! Looks like Stark Industries still hasn’t learned its lesson.

The question is, is there a lesson for Hollywood here? Changing actors for a supporting character like The Dark Knight’s Rachel Dawes, destined for death anyway, is inconsequential to the fabric of a comic-to-film’s franchise, but when Howard was cast, fans could already project him as War Machine, a rather important character to the big picture of Marvel’s new tightly inclusive cinematic universe. I mean, who hasn’t predicted a possible end to the highly anticipated Avengers film involving a jealous War Machine setting up shop with a similar set of heroes on the west coast? With everything still in development, these thoughts and questions are mostly rhetorical fanboy drivel. Nevertheless, contrary to what Iron Man would want . . . I’m up in arms.

I am Iron Man. You are Iron Man. We're ALL Iron Man! -- Iron Man DVD Release

After I saw Jon Faverau's teaser for Iron Man at the 2007 Comic Con, I told anyone that would listen to brace themselves for the next big superhero trend, the likes of which we hadn't seen since the first Spider-man film, despite the numerous superhero movies that have been released since. Something about the sheer spirit of that trailer, which managed to capture the glamor of Tony Stark's wealth, the horror of his capture and escape, then the raw recklessness and fun that comes with a brand new toy, seemed so transcendent from its comic book origins that I knew even the cool kids would clamor for an Iron Man backpack in August, an Iron Man costume for Halloween, and an Iron Man action figure for Christmas. So distracted was I by the minutia of that moment that I failed to recognize the bigger picture: Iron Man was poised to kick off one of the most fulfilling summers in geek history.

Today, Iron Man is poised again to launch a similarly fulfilling season of DVD releases -- and, post-Dark Knight fervor, is ready to reclaim its mantle as the best superhero movie ever made. Yes. I'm going on the record. Batman is by far my favorite superhero character, but Iron Man made for a much more enjoyable film. Consider the following accomplishments.

Firstly, and perhaps most importantly, Jon Favereau and Robert Downey, Jr. made Iron Man a household name. Prior to the movie's release in May, Iron Man was at best a B-list superhero, just a supporting fixture in the Marvel Universe. Hear me out, here: like Obama, I'm talking about Main Street -- Mr. and Mrs. Joe Blow. Prior to May, ask the average American to name five superheroes, and chances are you'll get the same five answers: Superman, Batman, Robin, Wonder Woman, and Spider-man. The Hulk and Aquaman are possible runners-up, as all seven of these characters have appeared in various broadcast incarnations. (Remember, Aquaman was a headliner in Super Friends, and I think his name has a certain mainstream resonance people fondly remember.) But Iron Man? No, that shortlived '90s cartoon doesn't count, not in the shadow of the more tenacious X-Men series. The Armored Avenger was little more than a hood ornament in the grand scheme of America's general consensus about superheroes.

Now? Well, I'm no Nostradamus, but kids are wearing Iron Man backpacks. Kids are buying Iron Man Halloween costumes. And I reckon come Christmas those Iron Man action figures are going to fly off of Target toy aisles all over again. If the film's appeal was just its special effects, I wouldn't deem it worth much further analysis -- besides, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull cornered the market for special effects for special effects' sake this summer. No, on a much more challenging level, Tony Stark gave America a Bruce Wayne it can believe in. Christian Bale's Bruce Wayne is Paris Hilton, definitely a compelling creature, but a celebrity by blood and wealth only. Without his training and "wonderful toys," Wayne is dismissive TMZ fodder. On the other hand, Robert Downey, Jr.'s Tony Stark has earned his arrogance and fame through his brilliance and ingenuity. True, the son of a successful corporate mongul, but Favereau gives us Ultimate Bill Gates in Stark, or Richard Branson sans the creepy grin. Stark is all business, but we'd love to play at being him.

Also, unlike DC's conscious disconnect from the real world, the Marvel mentality has attempted to convince its audience that their world is ours, too. Spider-man swings through the widely recognized New York skyline, in contrast to the ambiguous (and ambitious) Metropolis or Gotham City. Is any awkward teenager just a radioactive spider bite away from saving the day? On a much more grim level, is any billionaire industrialist just a tragic trip to Afghanistan away from creating the most interactive weapon ever invented? Yes, while Spidey gave us New York, and Daredevil Hell's Kitchen, Iron Man briefly but poignantly gives us the Middle freakin' East, for once making the audience subconsciously wish that the terrors of the superhero world weren't so much like ours. Now, Heath Ledger's Joker was truly frightening . . . but how far are we from the the Clown Prince of Crime compared to the Mandarin's Ten Rings terrorist circle?

Finally, Iron Man has begun to build an entire universe, effectively offering the first beloved crossover between his movie and the almost-as-awesome Incredible Hulk a month later. "The Avengers Initiative?" Please. You'd think Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury was working an erotic phone service, the way the audience geek-gasmed during that post-credits scene at the first midnight showing, then again when Stark joins Colonel Ross at the end of Hulk. Now, some superhero flicks have dared to reference their broader contexts before; Val Kilmer's Bruce Wayne mentions Metropolis in Batman Forever, and J. Jonah Jameson discounts Dr. Strange as a possible alias for Doc Ock because it's "already taken," but this . . . An Avengers film has been promoted from the stuff of Internet rumor to now eagerly anticipated reality. Remember when Marvel's properties were so widespread among film distributors that such a crossover was deemed impossible? DC's stable has always been under the Warner Brothers umbrella, and the best they've given us in a defunct Batman vs. Superman billboard in I Am Legend. But I digress.

(To be fair, DC has certainly cornered the TV market, from Batman: The Animated Series to Smallville. Still, who doesn't take our now weekly offerings of a young Superman for granted, particularly in the shadow of feature film hype? How many fans prefer that live action Justice League to the unlimited animated incarnation of yesteryear? That's another entry altogether!)

From a B-list cartoon character to a movie franchise's founding father, Iron Man certainly has come a long way this year. The question is, will he take the relatively shorter trip from the sales rack to your DVD collection? Heck, some special editions come with an Iron Man mask, asserting that devilish maxim applicable to all men's men like Tony Stark: the guys want to be him, and the girls want to be with him. Like the origin of Iron Man itself, I guess this DVD set proves that anything is possible if you put your mind to it.

A Year Called Comics, part 3b: Convention Convolution

A Year Called Comics, part 3b: Convention Convolution
(The third of an eight-part year-end analysis of the A Comic A Day project!)

Some decisions at the Comic Con are just made for you. When the parking lots and garages are full in and around the convention center an hour before opening time, you have no choice but to troll San Diego’s Gaslamp and Little Italy districts for precious vehicular real estate. (Further, when DC skywrites “ha ha ha” to promote next summer’s surefire blockbuster The Dark Knight, you cannot help but wonder if God is actually mocking your commitment to comics.) When you wait in line for over an hour only to discover that the daily allotment for the Con exclusive you’ve wanted has depleted, you have to decide whether or not to try again tomorrow. When a hall fills to capacity for some world premiere, you have no choice but to sit next to that deodorant-free dork whose sheer mass already requires half of the seat you’ve managed to score.

Yes, at the Comic Con, sometimes you have no choice. But, before even any of those challenges, you have the chance not to make the choice. Let me explain . . .

When my friends and I left San Diego’s Hotel Circle an hour and a half before the Con opened on Friday, we thought ninety minutes would be plenty of time to travel eight miles. After all, we scored a parking space in the convention center’s structure on Thursday with only half an hour to spare. So, rather than park in a lot some distance away and take a shuttle, a completely rational option, we tried to replicate the previous day’s success – for naught. After finding an open space, getting a cup of coffee, waiting for and enduring the shuttle ride, four hours later, we landed at the Con. Our trip could’ve been expedited by skipping the gamble and seeking a spot outside of downtown’s immediate vicinity in the first place, but after we made that choice, we then had no choice.

More importantly, at the Con, I had to make the critical decision whether to peruse the exhibit hall, which is elbow to armpit full of freebie hungry geeks, or endure potentially hours’ worth of wait for a panel of interest, usually regarding anticipated movie or publishing projects. On Thursday, I opted for the latter, seeing previews of Iron Man and Neil Gaiman’s Stardust and catching a two-month premature showing of the straight-to-DVD DC animated Superman: Doomsday film. I stood around a lot, sometimes moving only inches in minutes, but it was worth it, especially since I forwent that option today to explore the showroom. I found and purchased plenty of comics I’d wanted, including Starslayer #2 and #3, which feature the first appearances of the Rocketeer, and took a risk on a few trade paperbacks that may either become instant favorites or collection-filling regrets. Either way, I can rest assured that these decisions were mine alone.

Regretfully, by my observation, the quietest places on the Con floor are the comic retailers. I spent quite a few unencumbered hours thumbing through dollar bins, blackening my fingertips with back issue dust and assured my oft forsaken backpack was safe outside of the trampling feet of a main thoroughfare. If one enjoys simulating sardine conditions, he need only lumber his way to the video game booths or movie studios’ displays. I understand that this venue is designed to celebrate the popular arts, but the greatest art exhibited at the Comic Con is corporate marketing. “Comic” precedes “Con” now in name only.

Still, I can’t complain. With both Friday and Saturday sold out, I’m grateful just to be here, and the giveaways alone are worth the price of admission, with T-shirts, posters, pins, comics, and even Mini-Mates aplenty flooding the floor like porno on the streets of Vegas. DC is promoting their latest crisis du joir, Marvel is pushing Iron Man and their DVD release Dr. Strange (for which I walked out of a world premiere with the temptation to redub the character Dr. Snooze), the CW is distributing large Smallville burlap bags perhaps in an attempt to environmentally discourage the use of plastic bags, and ABC Family is cramming Kyle XY and his navel-free midriff down everyone’s throats. Thanks to these sneak peaks and innovative promotions, I’ll be able to choose my vices wisely even after the Con.